The Art of Loss
by Slash4Femme
Summary: everyone grieves in different ways


_This is a work of fanfiction based on the tv show _NCIS_. This story takes place after the episode Judgment Day and contains reference to a major character death. This story also includes several slash pairings. I do not own the characters or universe the only thing I own is my own mind and the strange balloon animals it makes._

The Art of Loss

Ziva and Abby

Ziva is busy packing her books into boxes to be shipped back to Israel. She moves automatically picking up books and putting them into boxes without really thinking without pausing to feel. She's stopped thinking, stopped feeling but her body still moves still goes through the rituals of her life. In a few short days she had lost Jenny and the best job she'd ever had. Carefully she places another book into the box, before squeezing her eyes shut tightly. She isn't sure what she is going to do once she get back to Israel only that she can't go back to doing what she always had, that part of her life is over and she wants it to stay that way. A nock sounds at the door and she stands brushing off her hands and go to answer it. Abby stands on the other side of the door, and it only takes Ziva a split secant to realize that Abby is crying. Ziva doesn't even wait for the other woman to make it fully though the door before pulling Abby into her arms. For once not caring what the neighbors will or wont say. After all there's nothing more for her to loose. Abby almost falls against Ziva burying her face in the smaller woman's neck her body shaking uncontrollably. Ziva's arms go around her, holding Abby as close to her as possible gently stroking her back and hair.

"Dearest. Oh my dearest."

Ziva murmurs rocking them both slowly back and forth where they still stand in her front hall.

"I lied."

Abby's voice is muffled and she sounds strange from crying, nearly hysterical. She's a mess, her hair down and tears streaking her face making her eyes red and her makeup run.

"I lied, I lied. I said it wasn't serious, that it was just for fun between you and I Ziva, but I was lying. And now I'm loosing you and I can't loose you."

She pushes way from Ziva enough to take the smaller woman's face between her hands and leans forward so they're foreheads are touching.

"I can't loose you."

Her voice has become soft almost a whisper, and broken in a way Ziva hasn't ever heard from Abby before.

"I've already lost Jenny and Kate and I can't loose you, not you."

Ziva puts her arms around Abby holding her, cradling her. She wants to tell Abby it'll be all right, that she'll keep her safe, make her happy, that she can somehow fix this. Except she can't and Ziva realizes there's nothing she can say.

Gibbs and McGee.

He stood there staring at the sea, but not really seeing it. It should get easier he thought. He'd had so much practice loosing people it should be easy, it shouldn't hurt anymore. He closed his eyes; God he wished it didn't hurt so much. They'd had their differences and spent more time fighting then actually getting along, but she had been special. Not falling in love, marrying, special but brave and strong and good, everything he could respect. Now she was gone. He could hear the sea, stretching out in front of him, but all he could see was the way she had looked the last time he had seen her. It seemed right that the last memory he should have was of her doing her job. A second pain also tempered the pain in his chest now. They had taken his team away from him. The only family he had left, all of them gone. He wanted to grieve for her for his agents, but that part of him felt numb, too much pain to even let to grief through. Gentle arms went around his waist pulling him back against a strong chest. For a moment they just stood there, Gibbs letting his head rest against Tim's shoulder.

"She was a good boss."

Tim's voice was soft, pain tightly controlled.

"I'll miss her. I'll miss them all"

Gibbs looked out at the sea wishing he could say something to Tim, wishing he could say anything at all. Tim pressed his face into the curve of Gibbs neck, and Gibbs could feel his lips move, forming silent words against Gibbs' skin. It took him a few minutes to realize what Tim was doing. He was saying goodbye to Jen. Gibbs closed his eyes and for a few secants he envied the younger man. Because he knew it would be a long time before he would be able to say those words.

Tony

Tony doesn't drink a lot. As a rule, college aside, he's never been a big drinker but he's drinking now. He takes a sip of whisky and presses his eyes shut trying not to think about the next few days when he'll be aboard a ship and way from the only people he's ever really cared about, the team he loves. He doesn't want to think about not seeing Ziva everyday, not being able to talk to Abby or Ducky. He doesn't want to think about Gibbs or the very few times he's managed to make Gibbs smile because soon he'll never get the chance to do it again. Hell, he'll even miss McGee. He takes another swig and thinks of Jen, not that it's any better, but the pain's one he knows. Tony knows what it's like to loose a team member cut down in the line of duty, he's seen that before, and it hurts, it will always hurt. Loosing a family, though, that's something Tony doesn't know how to do. So he thinks of Jen, thinks of Kate, thinks of Paula. He wonders why so many of the strong, beautiful, powerful women in his life end up dead. Wonders why he can't stop falling for them anyway. In the silence of his own apartment, he raises his glass.

"To you, girls. It was an honor."

He says, than he drinks.

Ducky and Fornell

Ducky sits on the front steps of his house watching the sun slowly set. He doesn't move or look up when Tobias pulls into the driveway. Tobias gets out of his car and moves slowly over to where Ducky sits and looks down at the other man. Ducky seems small here, somehow both much younger and much older then he actually is. He sits hunched forward without moving his hands resting in his lap his eyes focus on the sky.

"Ducky?"

Ducky looks up and for the first time Tobias sees that he's crying. Tobias sits next to the other man and gently takes one of Ducky's hands in his.

"Ducky . . ."

Ducky just looks at him and shakes his head once. Tobias looks at Ducky, looks at his eyes and then looks at the sky where the sunset has turned the sky multitudinous shades of red. They sit like that for a long time, and Tobias knows that Ducky is right. There are no words to say.


End file.
